the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics, other topical issues, or shitty customer service.
Like a drug dealer Steam sold me Flight Simulator X: Steam Edition for just $5. They knew I’d be back for more. And boy have I come back for more.
After downloading FSX:SE I hopped into my freshly bought Piper PA28 Cherokee 180F and started flying. It was glorious, I had a realistic aircraft model that I could run through the real life startup procedures. I could fly an aircraft kinda sorta like for real. But, when I looked out my window, I saw a dated, clunky, ugly world.
I wanted to look out my window and see the world as it really looked. So I tried some of the freeware satellite imagery tools. The problem is they required you to remove all protections from your computer and they looked like warm ass dipped in peanut oil.
This freeware route just wasn’t working for me, I needed much better imagery, so I pulled up the magic Goggle machine and found Mega Scenery Earth. I deftly typed in my credit card number and once again all was well in FSX land.
Now I could look out my window and see the actual world, as it really was, as long as I was at least 1000 feet high or so (that’s 304m to our metric using brethren). But damn, it was flat as hell. And it looked really crappy up close.
Being fairly competent at typing words into search engines I looked for a solution typing in, “scenery FSX.” I didn’t know what autogen was but I consistently found two products mentioned: GenX and OrbX FTX. Watching a few YouTube videos I saw OrbX blew GenX out of the water, there was just no comparison:
And when you added all the bells and whistles to OrbX it was truly stunning:
OK, sold. I bought Orb FTX Global and Vector and bought the FS Global 2010 world mesh. Wow, holy sheep dip! This was amazing! I wanted to upgrade my computer so my data drive was faster so I got a second Western Digital Black 3TB drive and created a RAID 0 setup. And that’s when the problems started.
To create a RAID system you have to change your UEFI drive setting from AHCI to RAID. That will break your Windows install and you’ll have to reinstall Windows. You’ll also lose all your data on the old drive you’re adding to the new drive. Basically you’ll lose everything on all your drives.
I got Windows reinstalled on my PC and tried to redownload the OrbX software. It was my bad luck that they had just started a sale. I was able to download FTX Global but not Vector or the Tree HD software. When I told OrbX I couldn’t download the software they said it was probably my fault:
And now we have the coup de grâce. One of their incredibly unprofessional and, ironically, combative “support” people basically accused me of stealing their software by installing it on two different computers:
So, while OrbX is easily the best autogen software made for FSX it is made by the reincarnations of the worst humans ever to walk the planet. They’re the kind of people that see old women drowning and throw them lifesaver shaped bricks. They kick over baby buggies to see how far the babies will roll. They bring liquorice flavored cake to work leave out with a “free cake” sign. They make peeing on the toilet seat a competition.
Using OrbX FTX is like buying a really awesome painting only to find out it’s painted on human flesh by Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot using ink made out of baby tears. It looks amazing but you know it’s made by horrible people… and you still want more of it.
Am I being a drama queen? Absolutely. Am I being hyperbolic? You betcha. Am I making fun of a terrible customer service experience instead of getting angry about it? Without a doubt, that’s the point: it’s better to laugh at someone that treats you poorly than to get angry.